She tried.....

So in my last post, I alluded to the fact that things hadn't been great for Brigitte for a while. Sadly, they haven't gotten any better.

I went to Florida with Brenna for her National Cheerleading Competition back in March. We had a wonderful time together and I was finally starting to feel a little normalcy. It was wonderful to be away and I couldn't help but think about how great the summer was going to be. We arrived back home from Orlando on a Monday night at 10:45.....Brigitte hadn't been doing all that well on Monday, and she was admitted to Children's on Tuesday morning at 9:00 am. I didn't even get 12 hours at home.

We spent the next 10 days inpatient, where she underwent 3 different surgeries. During one of them, her blood pressure dipped dangerously low and she needed a very strong medication to avoid a code. The last was to remove the port she had in place because it was infected. She has been without central access since then....and it has been a downhill slide since then.

We knew that this was a big concern and I have to be honest and tell you that nobody on her team was comfortable with the decision that Bryan and I made to take her home without a line. But, we needed to put all of the "can she do it" wondering to rest and give her the opportunity. So for the last month, we have struggled and struggled with trying to feed her and keep her hydrated. From a health standpoint, we have also battled a pneumonia as well which hasn't helped things. From a nutrition standpoint, it is hard to ever recover from illness when you are are not optimizing nutrition and hydration. Brigitte is now below the 30lb mark....she will be 5 in August. Her size 2T pants are falling off of her. I feel like I am going to crush every little bone in her body when I hug her. It is so sad.

Thankfully, she has had a good week at school. It is the only place she is happy. It is the only place where everyone just leaves her alone and lets her be a little girl.

Her behavior has been absolutely horrendous. She is hitting herself, throwing temper tantrums, and slamming her head against the floor. We are attributing this to the fact that dehydration makes you feel just plain crummy and she can't express herself and this is how she reacts. It is awful to watch. My heart truly, truly aches to watch her like this. Add to this that food in her belly really just makes her sick, she is gagging and retching with quite a few of her daytime boluses and we spend every morning holding her hair back with a towel in front of her face waiting for her to say "I all done" while she vomits from the intolerance to the overnight feeds.

This is no way for a little girl who is typically so happy to live. None. Its not fair.

So, next Thursday her surgeon will again use up another precious access spot (you only have so many in your body) and place a central line. She will resume TPN and hydration immediately following the surgery. I honestly don't know where we go from here. I don't know what her future holds.....so please, don't ask me. I just wanted to keep you all up to date and again ask for prayers for Brigitte. Thank you so much for always thinking of us. It means so much to us. It really does.

It's been a long time......

I wish I could say that things have been so gloriously good and that is why I haven't written...but that would be a lie! But that isn't what today's post is about. I will save you all the gory details of the drama of the last few months for another post on another day. Today instead, is about my oldest daughter, Brenna.

Brenna will be 10 on Saturday. I simply cannot believe it.

Was she not the most beautiful baby?!?!? I know I am biased, but I don't think there is a single one of you that can look at that picture and not say she was a gorgeous child. Not only is she beautiful to look at, but she has become a beautiful person with more determination and compassion than I could have ever instilled in her.

Brenna had her banquet with East Celebrity Elite last night. I walked in there thinking how amazingly proud I was of Brenna this year. Although it was not her first year as a cheerleader, it was her first year at a gym of this caliber. She walked through the doors of ECE last May not knowing a soul and only having a tumbling skill of a cartwheel and a roundoff. She competed nationally and her team placed 3rd in the Nation at the UCA Nationals in Orlando this past March. She learned what hard work really was and also that if you put your mind to something, anything you want can happen.

The last few years have been anything but easy for Brenna. Growing up the oldest child of a large family is a job in and of itself. Being the oldest girl in a family with a child with severe medical issues is another story. Brenna has learned to rise to the occasion. She is wonderful with Brigitte. Her patience is that of a saint (she does not get this from me!!!) and her grace is something we should all strive to acheive. She has always been a good girl and my dad is right when he says that she is always happy. She truly is. She has become quite the little comedian and I am finding that she is developing a bit of my, ummmmm, sarcasm! It has been nothing but sheer joy to watch her grow over the last few years.

Last night, though, I saw her change in front of me instantly. The banquet consisted of the owners of the gym, coaches from various teams, parents and of course all the girls on the mini and junior level teams. Each set of coaches from each team got up and said something about each girl on the team and then had a few "specialty" awards to give out. One of them was the unsung hero award. As they were describing this cheerleader, they said "she is a girl who always did what we asked of her," "she is a girl who never complained if she were in the back row," "she volunteered to fill a void whenever we needed her to," "quietly one day this girl said "I can do my double backhandspring, want to see it?"....and then landed it perfectly. The Unsung Hero for Junior 3 is........Brenna Kaiser.

I was in a room full of people and just wanted to cry. I have never been so proud, with the exception of the day I gave birth to her.

The definition of an Unsung Hero is: a person who makes a substantive yet unrecognized contribution; a person whose bravery is unknown or unacknowledged

Reading this definition this morning, I realized that this award couldn't have been more fitting. Brenna certainly did her share and earned that award all on her own. But she is the unsung hero of our household as well. She has taken a backseat over the last four and a half years. She has sacrificed and been brave far beyond any 10 year old I have ever met. She never asks for anything, never complains and yet, just when I think I am going to lose it on Brigitte some days, Brenna walks around the corner and takes her by the hand to the other room and plays with her. She does all of this and yet NEVER, EVER asks for any recognition. None.

She is amazing. She is beautiful. She is smart. She has worked to land backhandsprings and tucks. She has a wonderful imagination. She is determined. She is compassionate. She is my daughter. And I am the luckiest mom in the world to have her.

Happy 10th Birthday Brenna!! I love you with all of my heart. You make me so proud every, single day.

Make-A-Wish Girls Become Princess For A Day - Video - WMUR Manchester

Make-A-Wish Girls Become Princess For A Day - Video - WMUR Manchester

Generosity....

In my last post I told you about some of the amazing people that made our holidays brighter. I really hate naming names, because there are so many people that I am leaving out and I don't want anyone to think for one second that something one person did was better than another. EVERYTHING everyone has done for us has been amazing.

In some instances, there are people that you really can't thank, because they have gone out of their way to do something anonymously. These people are the cream of the crop. Doing something purely for the sake of doing and never looking for anything at all in return.

We happened to be in Home Depot one day just before Christmas. We were trying to get some lights and things to make the house pretty for the kids. Bryan and I got separated at one point, and as usual I had Brigitte. Everyone in the store knew she was there....her screams were audible to even the hardest of hearing. I was forcing a smile on my face because I knew everyone was staring at me, and I was doing all I could do to either not burst into tears or snap!! After finding Bryan back over in the Holiday section we began to have a bit of an argument as quietly as we could. He was worried about spending to much money, and I just cared about making Christmas the best we could for the kids because there is always that fear in the back of my head "What if this is the last one with all of us together?" I put a few things back, and we were getting ready to get in line when a woman approached me. I thought for sure she was going to tell me my daughter was obnoxious, but instead "Julie" handed me a gift card and said "I have followed your blog and just wanted you to know that I am praying for all of you. Have a very Merry Christmas!!" I could hardly get the words out of my mouth to say Thank You and she was gone.

Today, I came home and made my dreaded trek to the mailbox where I normally find more bills than anything. This time there was a red envelope that was stuck in a plastic bag with a note from the post office "sorry our machine ripped your envelope, but here it is!!" Not really like that, but you get the point. I opened the envelope and found a gift card to Papa Gino's "From our family to yours, Have a Merry Christmas."

There is alot of goodness in so many. I don't know really where I am going with all of this, other than just wanting to thank you all again. I have never been good about sending Thank You notes. Now, I have so many to send I am completely overwhelmed and dont' know where to begin. I think I even lost track of who I need to send them too. I guess I just want all of you who have helped to really know how much we truly do appreciate what you have done. There will come a day when I am able to "give back" properly, but for now I try my best to say "Thank You" when I can, and truly mean it.

New Year....

You know its been crazy when a month has gone by without a post....Crazy is an understatement.

I wanted to thank so many of you for all the encouraging words when I went back to work. The long and short of it.....it was an EPIC FAIL. I lasted all of two days. Two days I won't get back. So, how amazing do you think I am now? Not very, I know.

Quitting was harder than deciding to start. All the hopes and dreams I had for myself and for my future went out the window. All the hard lessons that I told myself I needed to deal with...non-existent.

There were a few reasons behind it. One being my arrangements for the kids were falling through minute by minute. It was easy to see that two days into it, it wasn't going to work long term at all. But the hard and honest truth is that I just can't be away from her. I will never get the night of almost losing her out of my head. I can't no matter how hard I try. All I can remember is trying to make her say "I love you" while I tried to record it on my phone. I made her do it over and over even though she was weak and didn't want to. I needed to hear it.

I sat at work for two days wondering what in the hell I was doing? I know now that I needed to just get it out of my system or it was something I was going to obsess about constantly. I humbled myself and realized it was just something I wasn't ready or willing to do. That is the short of it.

Over the last few weeks, I have realized that it was what I needed to do. And being home with her (with breaks here and there) is where I need to be. I have a few things up my sleeve, that if they work out will be a much better solution for me, my family, and for Brigitte. In the meantime, the images, sounds, feelings of that night are to fresh in my mind and I just need to be "around."

We have been overwhelmed by the generosity of this community over the last few weeks. Just as panic was setting in about how we would make Christmas happen, everything just started to come together. It has been a sign that I did the right thing....and people really do want to help.

We were blessed by the generosity of Laurie Kolifrath and New Beginnings Nail Salon who set up a "giving tree"...I was astonished at how many things were delivered to our family. Thank you will never be enough. The day before Christmas Eve, we also visited North Londonderry Elementary and were overwhelmed with the donations made by North School Staff, families, and especially Danielle Blair...a 5th grader who made ornaments out of toys and sold them to help benefit our family. There are so many of you out there that I owe Thank You's to. I am hoping to get to them soon. I promise. Please know that we are so grateful to EVERY SINGLE PERSON who has helped. I may not have mentioned you here, but please know how much we appreciate all you have done for us. Really, my words are completely inadequate and I will never be able to express how we really feel.

So here we are, another New Year upon us. I am not hoping for a better year than the last. I refuse to do it anymore. Instead, I am just hoping to focus on what was good from 2010. My son, Sean, endured two brain surgeries and is playing out in the snow as I type. My daughter, Brigitte, wasn't expeceted to live and is now in the living room SCREAMING at the top of her lungs!! She even uttered a very appropriate "DON'T TALK TO ME" this week! My son, Jake, went undefeated in football and won the Mity Mite Superbowl! My daughter, Brenna, became a National Junior 3 Co-ed Champion two weeks ago in cheerleading!

Life is Good....and we will take that for however long it wants to stick around.

Happy New Year!!!

Changes.....

It's been a bit since I last updated. I am so sorry. Things are just busy here. I feel like I say that all the time. Not like its any different at your house, right? We are all busy!!!

Brigitte is holding her own right now and proving day in and day out that IV nutrition is truly what her body needs. I can say she is doing fantastic. Her new port has been wonderful, she has energy, her color looks good, and she doesn't look like a bag of bones anymore. Now, unfortunately, things aren't perfect and we've got issues we are dealing with....but seems as if this is about as good as it is going to get. So I will take it for however long it lasts. We are in the process of working with her TVI (teacher for the visually impaired) and her neurologist. Her brain MRI and her vision issues are making it pretty clear that she has a cortical vision impairment. For all intents and purposes, she is likely going to be declared "legally blind" but not in the sense that she can't see. She can see, she just doesn't process correctly. So this isn't actually an eye issue, but a brain issue. Its hard to explain, so I won't try to here, but it does explain alot of the issues we are seeing related to her learning style and why she has such a hard time moving around and being who she is. Once again....its a process.

Sean is doing remarkably well too. He has not complained once of a headache or neck pain. He isn't complaining about school. He is doing fantastic in school!! Best decision we ever made was having that second surgery. He was referred to Make a Wish and will be having his wish granted very shortly! He is beyond excited.....and so are we!!!

I made the leap into the working world again today. After almost 9 years of being home with the kids, I returned to work full time. This was one of the most emotional decisions I have ever had to make. Financially, it was a no-brainer. I am feeling much better about it tonight than I was yesterday, but it is hard no matter what. People have asked me time and time again since I got the offer if I "was excited??" Excitement was the last thing on my mind. Am I happy to be among adults again and earn my own paycheck? No doubt about it. Other than that....not much to be excited about. My reasons for doing this aren't purely financial...but are sadly, very emotional.

It is hard for me to explain how this felt. First of all, if it weren't for the availability of a nurse with whom I am very confident will take very good care of Brigitte in my absence, this NEVER would have happened. For her, I am very grateful. My life has become all about Brigitte and less and less about anyone else. That includes my other children, my husband, and more importantly, myself. Brigitte and I are one in the same. There would be no me without her and there would be no her without me. We are inseparable on so many levels. I know that sounds beautiful, but it really isn't. Its not good for either of us.

The big elephant in the room is that more likely than not, I will outlive my daughter barring some major breakthrough in medicine or a miracle which cures her. I have come to accept that over the last few months. Its been a hard realization, but it is reality. Until today, the last four years of my life have revolved around taking care of Brigitte. I have forgotten how to do anything else or be who I used to be. I honestly cannot for the life of me remember what life was like before Brigitte. I really can't. I have become a machine just going through the motions to get through every day.

So today, I did it. I cried the entire way to work. I cried on my break. I cried on the way home. But I did it. I got through the first day. All I can think about is that the time I am away is time I am losing with her. Hours and days that are limited are hours and days I will never get back. However, I also thought about all the things this going to allow my family and I to do. Next year, Brigitte will be in Kindergarten 5 days a week. The year after that 1st grade, full days. Then where will I be? That "something" will ultimately take Brigitte, but I can't allow it to take me too.

Merry Christmas!!

Breathing.....

Breathing. It's something I can't seem to do much of anymore. I am sitting here trying to fully grasp everything that has happened over the last 4 months and I truly cannot believe it.

This week was certainly no different. I am sure you have all heard about the "fight or flight response" at one time or another. My family is living in that constant state every day. I have been doing alot of reading about it as I know it must be detrimental....but what do you do about it? It’s important to learn how to recognize when your stress levels are out of control. The most dangerous thing about stress is how easily it can creep up on you. You get used to it. It starts to feels familiar – even normal. You don’t notice how much it’s affecting you, even as it takes a heavy toll. I am used to it, and have been for way to long. What is even scarier is that if I am feeling this way, how is Brigitte feeling? How are the other kids feeling about all of this?

I should let you know, that Brigitte was again rushed to Boston on Tuesday and underwent another emergency surgery. I had some trouble with her pump and some occlusion alarms in the early morning hours on Tuesday. Think like 2 or 3am. Yeah, makes sleeping impossible. I finally decided to shut the damn thing off because not only was I not sleeping, but Brigitte wasn't either. I flushed her line with saline and swore I heard a little "pop." WTF!!!! I checked her site, inspected the line and didn't see anything. I went back to bed. She woke around 7 and was crying a bit. At this point, you can imagine the chaos that takes place trying to get 4 kids up and ready for school. I got breakfast for the kids, got them all dressed and was ready for Brigitte. Let's just say her morning routine is a little less than pleasant. That's putting it mildly. She is a major witch in the morning, so I leave her for last. As I was attempting to get her dressed, I noticed that her dressing was red. At first I thought it looked like fleece stuck to her (she was wearing a fleece pajama set) but quickly realized that her PJ's weren't red and what I was looking at was clearly blood. Add to that, Jake and Sean both saw it at the same time and started freaking out. It took all I could to get them to hang up the phone fast enough as they had already dialed 91...and you know what would have happened next. I could see she wasn't actively bleeding so I knew that an ambulance ride would have actually wasted valuable time. In our town, they are not allowed to cross state lines, so we would have been taken to the local ED, stabalized, then transported to Boston. I knew that pop I thought I had heard was real and that we were already beyond the 4hr mark of blood starting to clot. So we needed to get to Boston fast. That's kind of funny, because it was rush hour traffic time, and Brenna was home sick. So she went with my dad and Brigitte and I made our way to the city.

It turns out that her line had totally blown and she was headed to the OR again. The surgery itself lasted about 3 hours. This time instead of a broviac CVL being placed, we went with a port. Although we aren't able to get the full benefits of it right now since she is on TPN 7 days a week, we are optimistic that at some time she will be able to have some days off and be deaccessed giving her the ability to bathe, swim...and just not be bothered. We are a long way from that, though.

So, as I said, we live in a constant state of "what's next?" It is becoming more and more difficult to just live normally. Clearly, this is affecting Brigitte more than anyone can imagine. She is having tremendous difficulty in school because of her anxiety. This poor child can't even wake up on a Tuesday and get excited about school and her friends because just when she thinks things are ok, she is in the hospital with a mask covering her face as she is forced into sleep to be cut open again, only to wake up with another scar and one more piece of plastic stuck inside her little body. One more thing to make her so unlike most little four year olds. She is being admitted again next week for all of her testing, and tonight I have had multiple email exchanges with her doctors who are also concerned about her emotional well-being. We have come to the conclusion that a psychological consult team will be part of every admission to deal with her ongoing anxiety. My poor baby is only four years old and will now have a TEAM of psych doctors. This just isn't right on so many levels.

I have to be honest and tell you that I am a very angry person right now. I am angry on so many levels. I am angry that this happens to Brigitte and Sean. I am angry that there isn't a damn thing I can do to make any of it go away. I am starting to get really mad at family and friends who don't realize that my life is nothing like theirs and they just don't get that. I dread the holidays and having to put on my happy face. It makes pretending all that much worse. I know a while back I promised a post on all the good things that are happening, but right now, I can't seem to find anything. I am taking a few days to sit here and feel bad for myself, my kids, my husband, my marriage. Next week, because it is Thanksgiving, I will pull myself up by my bootstraps and be happy for all that I do have in my life.....which I do know is alot. But right now, I just want to be mad.

For all my other mom friends who have children with special medical needs or worse, have lost your children. It's ok. It's ok to be mad, really mad.

What's not ok is to stay mad.

Updates

Well, things certainly have been busy around here. I honestly don't have the time or energy for a real heartfelt blog entry....but I know I owe all of you an update on how the kids are doing!!!

Sean ROCKED his surgery. I mean, truly ROCKED it!! I am beaming as I sit here and write it because I am still amazed at how amazingly strong he is. His surgery was about 4 hours long. He had a very difficult time going to sleep and really fought it. His surgeon got inside the dura and his cerebellum "popped" right up into place. He said that his post-op MRI was very deceiving for how much crowding was actually there and he definitely needed this second operation. Having known that Valium was Sean's magic drug post-op the first go-around.....we got the PACU nurses to give it to him right off the bat. We knew he was feeling pretty good when he said "Hey, is that thing (catheter) stuck in my balls again so I don't have to get up to pee?" Sean was back....as funny as ever!!! For those of you who don't know Sean personally, he is a boy of few words, but when he does speak, he usually leaves you shaking your head, laughing!! He was also started on Decadron in the OR and continued it for a week total. This helps with brain swelling and also with the junk that was in his lungs prior to surgery. He was eating and drinking immediately after surgery and had a great nights sleep. Saturday morning he was up and out of bed and already taking oral pain meds. We gave him the morning to see if he continued to do well and when his surgeon, Dr. Benjamin Warf, came in to check on him I asked if we could go home. There wasn't anything I couldn't do for him at home and lets just say that things with Brigitte were becoming a little more complicated and being home was best for everyone. Sean was discharged less than 24hrs after brain surgery and never took a dose of pain meds after leaving the hospital. He is AMAZING!!!!! He rested on Sunday and on Monday morning I had to make him come back in the house and sit on the couch. No hitting wiffle balls two days after brain surgery!!! Geeeshhh!

And then there is Brigitte. I will just say that if you looked at her today, you would say she looks probably the best she ever has. I had a doctor ask me today if she was healthy? My response; "Well, if you consider a 4yr old that is life dependant on TPN nutrition 7 days a week, has a heart defect, is immunodeficient, is in complete colonic shut down, and so on, healthy, than yes, she is healthy." It saddens me that I can honestly agree that she looks the best she has in months. It saddens me that it is a central line, TPN, and IV hydration that is keeping her alive. I think people don't get that. They see a little girl running around, yelling, playing as best she can, going to school and her brothers football games and they think "Wow, she is doing so awesome." Until you understand that if we take away the central line, the TPN, and the hydration....give her a few days and she would die from dehydration and malnutrition. So, yes, Brigitte is doing ok.

She is being admitted the week before Thanksgiving to have her manometry testing done. This will be a very difficult admission for her. We are hoping for only 3 days, but it could turn into a few days longer. She will go to the OR to have a colonoscopy, endoscopy, have probes placed in her rectum and in her gtube stoma.....she will also likely have an NG tube dropped from her nose into her stomach. She will then be attached to monitors to see what her intestinal motility looks like. She has to stay in bed while this is done, and no she cannot be sedated. Good Times. Feel free to visit and serve as a distraction. The thousands of stickers we have should come in handy, but I very well may lose my mind!!!! This testing will give us an idea of what surgical procedure may need to be done. She is still only having bowel movements every 12-14 days despite being on mega-doses of laxatives. Yes, she is still smiling!!!


So, those are the latest and greatest!! I have lots of pictures to show you of Sean, but we have been straight out and just haven't had the time to do much of anything else but auto pilot. We're getting there.

I have been thinking about another post to write soon, but I know I have alot of people reading thanks to the Thrive Blog post I did with Children's Hospital. What would you guys like to hear about?? Leave me some comments and I will try to come up with something good. I was thinking of "How to deal with family through the Holidays?" Let me know what you think!

Much Love Always!!!

Shared by a friend tonight.....

A friend shared this with me after reading my "Picture Perfect" post. It couldn't be more perfect. Enjoy and really listen to the words. Please see the post below as well if you have not already.

Picture Perfect????

If you were to drive by my house this morning when the kids were getting ready for school you would have seen a scene from a movie. Hugs and Kisses, High Fives and Good-byes. A pretty little red head with such bounce in her step carrying an umbrella while her brothers cram in beside her. One with Clark Kent glasses and a backpack almost as big as he. The other, grinning from ear to ear, wearing his Blaze jacket he earned playing on an AAU baseball team this spring. Their smiles are almost contagious. All three walking side by side in the rain, turning back every few seconds to give there momma a wave and blow a kiss goodbye.

Picture Perfect.

What you don't see on the inside of the house is the mom with tears streaming down her face and the 4year old asking "Mama, why you crying?" She cries because the picture on the outside looks so perfect and oh how she longs so badly for it to be so true.....even just for a day. She will go back up the stairs to start saline and heparin flushes, give GTube boluses to one sweet little girl and begin to prepare for major brain surgery for another sweet little boy. You also don't see that the dad hasn't been home in 3 days because he has worked 3 16hr shifts straight and stays at a relatives house close to his work so he can at least get an extra hours sleep each night rather than wasting that precious time sitting in traffic on a long commute to work. He will likely be to tired all weekend to be the dad or husband he really wants to be. His tears flow each day as well because he isn't able to tuck the kids in at night and can only text them each day to see how their day was or hear about the back handspring someone landed at practice last night.

This is just a small glimpse.

The mom and dads pain in this picture is so deep but they live in survival mode. There is no crashing because there isn't anyone to pick up the pieces. If they stop for a second and really take in the reality of their situation, surely it would break just about anyone. How can you break though when you have a family to love and care for? There are still bills that need to be paid and life has to go on. But that's just it...all this family does is exist. Existing in a world that from the outside looking in, looks as pretty as a picture. Nobody will ever understand what really goes on behind closed doors. Nor do I hope that you are ever in a position to truly understand.

All I want to do is cry and cry and cry. I can't. I do not write these things because I want your sympathy. Sympathy is the last thing I need. I write because it makes me feel better. What I really want to do is crawl under the covers and not come out for a few days...better yet, a few weeks. I do not have that luxury. I have snacks to pack, baths to give, homework to help with. I have appointments to go to, doctors to deal with, bill collectors to fight with. No matter how badly I want to break, I can't. Even if I did, then what would that say about me or my family. Then we would be the family with the two sick kids and the mother that went crazy. Its just not that easy.....and hard would be a major understatement.

I don't know what the answer is. I try to hope for the future to be better, but it truly is hard to dance through the storm when you never see any sunshine. I have to laugh at our reality sometimes, because I just don't know what to do anymore and honestly I am sick of pretending everything is great when it isn't. People ask me everyday "How is Brigitte?" My typical response is "Ummm, she's doing ok. Thanks for asking." What I would really like to say goes something like this: Actually, she's a 4 year old little girl who has spent more days in the hospital than she has in her own bed. She is not physically able to eat because her intestines are not working, so an IV in her heart is keeping her alive. Without it she would be dead. Yes, she is home from the hospital and yes, I let her go to school. That is so she can sort of be like a little girl. But most 4 year old little girls aren't eating with a Gtube in their belly or an IV in their heart. They aren't talking to surgeons about possibly needing a colostomy bag. They are running around splashing in puddles or going on playdates when mine only gets to go to PT, OT or Speech. She didn't get to got to the "friend party" at McDonalds today because the germs there could kill her. Instead she spent the day in the house driving her mother crazy because she can't do the things little girls do. She had to have two needles stuck in her legs and blood drawn from her arms twice this week along with having 3 appointments at Children's Hospital. In addition, she now has to be admitted to the hospital next week even when she isn't truly sick because her 7 year old brother has to have brain surgery and the only way she can be taken care of is by a nurse which the State of NH won't let us have because I don't "work"...so she has to be in the hospital when really she doesn't need to be. So, how is Brigitte doing? "Ummm, she's doing ok. Thanks for asking."